i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
