He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
