I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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