He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
