I feel great
I just peed on a car
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
