Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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