Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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