Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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