awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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