and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
