Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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