well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I enjoy the company of your penis
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
