WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
