Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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