We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
