There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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