i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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