I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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