would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
