now i know why i became what i already was.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
