Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
