my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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