i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
