Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
