She's JV to your varsity
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
