she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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