He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
