We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
