The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
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Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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