i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
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Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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