god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
