you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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