I wish I could punch you in the face.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
