You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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