So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
