time to smoke my breakfast
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
