is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
