He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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