i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize