She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
