Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
