So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize