He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
