idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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