Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
