Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
