Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
