Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
