I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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