know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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