If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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