Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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