i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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