I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
