Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Boobs speak an international language.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
