your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize