Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
