Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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