Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize