if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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