Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
