I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
