I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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