Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
did i walk over a car last night?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
