Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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