I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
