sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
