we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
